WELL, I think I'm actually going to leave the house now. Due to the Thanksgiving holiday, I've been wearing the same underclothes since Thursday (what are holidays for?), and haven't shaved or showered. But there are things to do, so I'm off. For those of you who haven't visited much in the last few days, take a gander down below--there's a whole lot of new stuff posted.

I NEVER REALIZED that Lisa Nicole Carson, Erika Eleniak, Jennifer Garner and Sharon Lawrence were all in Aftershock: Earthquake in New York, from 1999. I'd watch it, but it strikes me as very likely that the Twin Towers fall over in the movie, and I don't need to see that.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO LISA NICOLE CARSON? I recall that her mother had her committed, briefly, but that sort of thing is par for the course for celebrities. IMDB lists her in no new roles since 1999, despite the fact that she's really talented, very good-looking, and has the breasts of a goddess.

I found gossip about her here, plus this little remark from earlier this year, as Ally McBeal was about to shut down:

What's the McDeal? Where is Renee? As you Ally fans know, actress Lisa Nicole Carson was forced to leave the show suddenly because of personal problems. But unless I missed something, it was never addressed that Ally's roommate and confidante seemed to vanish into thin air (a little tough to believe, given her upper-body heft). Could you at least mention where she's gone?

I, for one, think she's much more of an attraction than scrawny little Callista Flockhart.

HOW FUNNY IS IT that Harry Shearer's photos at IMDB all show him dressed up as a member of Spinal Tap? Check the comparison, Spinal Tap on the left:

So, here you have a middle-aged actor, successful by any definition of the word, who either willfully or through benign neglect allows himself to be depicted as a long-haired rock-n-roller on the primary actor source site. That's a bit odd, no? It reminds me of the photo of Kilgore Trout on the back of Venus on the Half-Shell.

(And I'll bet a grilled mummy dick that if you really want to, you could spend hours reading the story about the story of Trout, Farmer and Vonnegut.)

READER "COMIC BOOK TED" WRITES:

Have to agree w/ you about Firefly, it's a great show.

I don't watch too much TV, but I make sure to catch it. I also watch Enterprise, but that's more to watch a particular female vulcan. It's the first Federation Star Ship and we've already had time travel episodes and a holodeck episode. I'd like to see them do a Star Trek show and manage to go for a season w/o either of those (and since Enterprise doesn't have holodecks, it should have been easy). For that matter, it would be nice to do w/o transporter accidents other than "it killed somebody".

But then, UPN will put out drek like Birds of Prey. Sadly, there is a show in there somewhere. The comic is fairly good (well it was better when it was mini-series to mini-series). But, the show bears little bearing to the comic, and the writers don't understand the one character they took from the comic, Oracle. There are some brief sketches of good dialog, but the painfully bad plots and general bad writing and just plain general misunderstanding of anything they are trying to bring forward. One look at the wheel chair shows the producers of the show have no idea about Oracle. It has to be the dumbest thing I've seen on TV. Not only would Oracle never use something like that, it's also totally useless as it's at least a foot too tall (how's she supposed to pull up to a table or a desk?) Sadly some moron associated with the show knew ancient (1980) Earth 2 history to know that originally the Huntress was supposed to be the daughter of Batman and Catwoman, but manages to take that one fact and totally hose everything else up. They even ruined the scene from the Killing Joke.

How hard is it to a) actually understand something before adapting it and b) actually try writing for a change. Which is why it links to Enterprise. Someone pitched the good idea, even landed some ok actors, and then gave the idea over to idiots to execute, who then proceed to take out or ruin all the things that would make the show good, and then layer idiocy on top of that.

Firefly, well, it had me at the end of the first episode where Mal kicks the guy into the engines. I can't think of any other show where the main character did anything like that. After all, main characters are supposed to be goody two shoes (as defined by 1980 America, or is that 1950 America). It's classic, like Indy Jones shooting the guy w/ the swords (and Lucas is too much of a hack to realize that the movie was much better w/ Han Solo shooting first and Indy Jones blowing away a guy who is trying to kill him). It's always better to have complex characters, rather than simplistic cardboard cutouts. Even Jayne manages to be more than just a dumb merc. {sigh}

I'll be really pissed if they cancel Firefly. But while it's on, I'll keep watching.

ANOTHER RENDER! I have been a busy fella, but now must go to bed.

BACK TO BIN LADIN: Anybody else think it's odd that we had to wait for the Swiss to tell us that the tape's a fake? You think the Confederation Helvetica's got a secret decoder ring that the NSA lacks? Pfah.

My theory? We got him. Dead or alive (and I suspect dead), we have whatever's left. I hope he suffered.

VERY NICE SKETCH by the super-talented Adam Hughes. You need to be a member of the Hughes Fans Yahoo! Group to see it.

Also there--I'll never object to a drawing of Mary Marvel with a DD cup.

SCI-FI TIME: Enterprise sucks, and its ratings are mediocre for it, yet Firefly is terrific but has abysmal ratings and has been put on hiatus. At some point, Star Trek deteriorated into very little more than a formulaic gravy-train franchise. Worse, it crowds out superior shows like Firefly, preventing them from drawing the audience and attention they'd otherwise receive. Granted, it's hard to feel sympathy for Firefly, which with Joss Whedon as creator and writer ought to have some real PR pull.

Anyway, it airs on Fridays (not this one, though), so make an effort to see it and save it, especially if you've got a Neilsen box on your TV.

RED ALERT! RED ALERT!
ERIKA ELENIAK IS BACK! On TBS this Sunday, 8pm EST, 7pm C/PT. The movie is called Christmas Rush--beyond all shadow of a doubt it will be an awful, Die Hard wannabe, piece of crap. But it stars Erika Eleniak! Dean Cain and Eric Roberts also star.

Here's what the fabulous Ms. Eleniak (who's that chimp in the suit?) has to say about the film:

Q: Have you been doing any of your own stunts?
A: I'm very physical, so I try to do as many of my own stunts as possible. Sometimes the guys are a little too gentle with me. They'll grab my arm and say, "I'm not grabbing you too hard, am I?" But I tell them that I'm a big girl and can handle anything they throw at me.

The bad news is, none of the previews show her magnificent arms. The good news is that since Ms. Eleniak is so damned good-looking regardless of what she's wearing, I'm sure her lack of flexing action won't ruin the movie for us.

LOOKED OUT MY WINDOW THIS MORNING, noticed that my neighbors across the street are moving out, and they've boarded up all the windows in the house. Neighbor a few doors down moved out last week, no boards. You think something might be going on that I don't know about?

I POSTED A NEW RENDER TO WRECK-SHOP'S SITE, right here.

A CONVERSATION AT THE BEA ABOUT SHOSHANNA LONSTEIN, and whether she's had a "reduction." Sheber says it's just dieting and reduced bodyfat that are responsible for her less-impressive profile, and lists Jennifer Connelly as a casualty of the same thing. I agree.

I was at a party last year that Ms. Lonstein was also attending (actually, she might have been the host--it was at the B-Bar on 4th St.--you could say I crashed it). I had a good opportunity to check out her figure, and I wasn't that impressed. She's a pretty girl, don't get me wrong, but she certainly doesn't merit the attention she gets. She's got big boobs and she was a party to a relationship none dared call a scandal--namely that a 40-year-old man (Jerry Seinfeld) was dating a teenager (Ms. Lonstein), and that's her claim to celebrity.

A GREAT BATTLE SHOT, that features a muscular, partially armored women with inexplicably bare breasts, right here. That's the thing that always gets me about women with armor at Renderosity--the softest parts are usually left the most exposed. Maybe someone could explain it to me. Full version of the image is here.

HE'S DEAD. I've been saying it since January, and I stick by it. Bin Ladin is as dead as Dillinger.

BUSIEST DAY EVER on Monday--735 visitors according to Nedstat, more than 1000 according to the Counter. I have no idea how they differ in methodology, but that's good stuff, either way.

OK, SO THE PLOT COMFORMED CLOSELY WITH A STORY CALLED L'ATLANTIDE, which the French have made and remade a significant number of times: 1920, 1932, 1961, 1972, and 1992. Additionally, there was a Hollywood version made in 1949. I'm thinking the one I saw was a soft-core or at least somewhat naughty one made in the early or mid-80s, but for the life of me I can't find it anywhere. Anyway, I remember seeing this thing dubbed late one night on cable, and being completely taken with it. The girl who played Tanit was particularly luscious, and had to fight the evil Queen Antinea to escape. It had clearly been dubbed into English from a Romance or other Mediterranean language. Any thoughts?

HEY, DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER a French movie about a group of amazons living in an underground city beneath the Sahara? The plot involved a really sexy girl who came among them and had to battle the queen. At the end, the city collapsed but the heroine was able to crawl out. A helicopter showed up and rescued her, I recall. I'm guessing the movie would have been made somewhere between 1978 and 1986.

Follow-up: It could be this movie, L'Atlantide.

"MY TIVO THINKS I'M GAY!", and other hilarious profiling mishaps, from the WSJ.

MORE ON EVA HERZIGOVA. Hard to believe this and this are the same girl, just a few years apart.

OK, HERE'S EEGORE'S POST to Wreck Shop's site. It totally sucks.

HEY, GOT AN EMAIL FROM EEGORE:

Hail hail, O Big Mouthed One

Couple things:

I got my hands on a copy of Poser 4 and have been playing with it now and again for the past week. Woo, this sucker has a steep learning curve. And why, oh why in hell does the Undo function go back only one step? Not very forgiving. Anyway, I'm not sure I'm sold yet on diving in Poserdom. The stage at which I'd be comfortable with the functions seems a light year away, and I still think I could get a bigger kick out of drawing and coloring. Not ruling it out, but ... we'll see.

That said, I must give an unabashed plug to my latest post at Wreck's MB. It's actually an expansion of my previous post, the one with the girl getting a charge about of a pair of power bands. A couple of replies to that one noted that it would be spiffy to see some in-between images of the muscle growth. Soooo...I went back and created two tweeners -- and one "after" -- and added it to the seq. And I'm very happy with how it turned out. Please let me know what you think. I can take constructive criticism just as well as you can ;-)

Best,
E

For those of you untrained in the base art of sarcasm, Eegore's claim that he takes criticism as well as me is a snide remark. I'm at work so I can't go to Wreck Shop's site right now, but by all means go dig and find the post in question on your own. I'll put up a link later this evening. As for Poser, well, yeah, the interface sucks. As for developing the skill to use it well, it took me two years before I really began posting my work to sites. I sent some of the early stuff to DtV and Marknew, and the more or less unanimous response was "Can't you write some stories instead?" But there are just a few things to master to make good-looking renders:

Lighting--make sure you're subject is well-illuminated.

Rendering--make sure you experiment with various render settings.

Textures--good textures can make a world of difference.

Posing--life-like poses that capitalize on the model's capabilities are really important.

Additionally, you'll want to have quality models, like Stephanie, instead of the native P4 Posette character, which is crap. My advice is to pick a render you like off Renderosity, and try to duplicate it. The same practice has guided artists for centuries, and I think it's a good one. Trying to make a copy of something you admire can be the fastest way to make progress, because you're forced to discover, through trial and error, the practices of the artist you're emulating.

NICE PIECE ON NRO identifying the worldwide threat we face as being primarily Islamic. You'd think people would have figured this out by now, but I guess we have to keep saying it.

AN ARTICLE IN THE UK TABLOID THE SUN analyzes the emaciation phenomenon I've discussed here before. The occasion for the article is the haggard, scrawny current appearance of Eva Herzigova, the once-curvy model who launched the Wonderbra in 1994. There are examples and photos of other prominent women, such as the formerly fabulous but now frustratingly flat-chested Giselle Bundchen, and quotes from several frank observers. One blames the phenomenon on gay men who control the fashion industry, explaining that they are not attracted to breasts and "bums" and prefer a more boyish appearance for models. Another straight fashion photographer, Max Cisotti, calls it "actor-exia" and explains it thusly: "Gradually the bust goes, the cheekbones become hollow and suddenly they’re a shadow of their former selves."

It's sad. I see pictures of Jennifer Connelly on the covers of magazines and my heart weeps. Even the marvelous Halle Berry isn't immune, but while she's lost the healthy muscularity she had early in her career, she has managed to retain her terrific bustline. December's Vogue provides yet another magazine cover-shot of Ms. Berry popping out of her dress. There's still hope.

THIS FLICK SHOULD BE COOL. I'm not gonna mention the title since it will surely change prior to release. But one of the stars is Sara Tanaka (she's the one with her back turned toward the camera), who was in Rushmore. I have a little crush on her, or I did, after I saw that flick. Anyway, the movie is apparently about a kid who is desperately trying to see Star Wars on its opening night, but circumstances conspire to confound him. I found it while checking out Joe Pantoliano's IMDB entry.

Ms. Tanaka was also in Race the Sun, a movie in which Halle Berry is often shown wearing a bikini top.

BE THE FIRST ASSHOLE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD TO OWN ONE! For just $5000, you can wobble around your block like an idiot, before everyone else on your block wobbles around like an idiot! With a maximum speed of 12.5 miles per hour, it's nearly half as fast as Henry Ford's first Model T! Act now, before your city is wholly re-architected to take advantage of this ungainly little beast.

ANOTHER GUY WITH A GREAT SITE IS SHADE. Some of my particular favorites, nudity warning!, are this one, this one, and this one.

SO WHAT I'M WONDERING ABOUT RIGHT NOW IS, does diplomatic immunity shield someone from complicity in the murders of 3000 people? I've been telling you all along, it was the goddamned Saudis.

NICE EBAY AUCTIONS. The She-Hulk in bulging action! The same artist also did this one and this one.

"SQUID" POSTED THIS SITE ON THE BEARCHIVE. Pretty cool--lots of cheesecake art. You could spend hours there.

NEW COMICS ALERT: Gen-13 has an interesting storyline this month. Chris Claremont, the writer, takes the opportunity to make a nasty dig on Condi Rice while introducing a black teenage girl super-hero who makes amazon transformations. Claremont's tired and usually boring--he's one of those comics writers who depicts characters pontificating on metaphysics in perfectly composed--if windy--paragraphs, while they're simultaneously dodging energy blasts or flying ninja stars. {YAWN} He's been writing X-MEN on and off since around the Carter Administration, and he doesn't have a whole lot of new tricks left in him. But, y'know, a pudgy, short girl who makes regular amazon transformations can buy a lot of forgiveness. Here's the cover in better detail.

RANT ALERT! RANT ALERT!
CUTE, THOUGHTFUL PIECE FROM THE NEW YORK OBSERVER: Of course, I disagree with the author's argument about the importance of "the separation of church and state"--a phrase and a concept that does not appear in the Constitution of the U.S., though most of you probably think it does. The truth is that though the Constitution does forbid the establishment of a state religion (something far short of the total wall of separation many on the Left take as given), the Declaration of Independence makes several references to God. Also, while nearly all of the early migrants and pioneers were Christians (of various sects, often hostile to each other), and religious tolerance was generally, if sometimes begrudgingly, the rule, most people came here for the opportunity to own their own land and make a fortune for themselves. The "pioneer spirit" was fundamentally an entrepreneurial one. (Heck, I'm descended from a guy who at one point owned a chunk of land the size of Rhode Island. His eyes were bigger than his stomach.)

I can't really say that I'm a Christian. I've always had doubts about the Immaculate Conception and the Ascension, but I realized once and for all after 9/11 that I don't think like one, either, and have no intention of asking for forgiveness. I am not a person who turns the other cheek or who forgives and loves his enemies. I wish perpetual, stateless misery on all those Palestinian vermin who danced in the streets after the Twin Towers fell, and on their ilk throughout the Middle East. That's not a sentiment compatible with Christianity. But I'm happy to caucus with Christians or with Jews, or even with Buddhists, Hindus, Zoroastrians or Bahá'í's if they acknowledge our common enemy: the surging, filty horde of militant Islam, which must at the very least be contained, and preferably annihilated. Delenda est Carthago.

SAW EIGHT MILE TONIGHT. Worth the money.

DID YOU KNOW THAT "TAYLOR" IS THE TENTH MOST COMMON SURNAME IN THE U.S.? Look at this:

Surname.......%....Rank
===========================
SMITH..........1.006.....1
JOHNSON........0.810.....2
WILLIAMS.......0.699.....3
JONES..........0.621.....4
BROWN..........0.621.....5
DAVIS..........0.480.....6
MILLER.........0.424.....7
WILSON.........0.339.....8
MOORE..........0.312.....9
TAYLOR.........0.311.....10

So this explains--partially--a phenomenon I have observed many times over the last decade: the bustiest Playboy centerfolds are very often named "Taylor". Priscilla (06/93), Karin (06/96), and Tiffany (11/98) all show up in the last ten years, making up 3.342% of the total Playboy Playmate population during that period, compared to just 0.311% of the total population. Taylors are thus represented a full order of magnitude out of proportion. During that same period of time, for instance, we find only one each of Moore (Barbara, 12/92), Davis (Neriah, 03/94), Johnson (Echo Leta, 01/93 and a friggin' B cup!) no Smiths, Jones, Williams, Wilsons or Millers. (I tried to check for "Brown" but that's also a hair color and I just don't have the time to search through 120 column entries by hand.)

So my theory? At some point in America's colonial past, a family named "Taylor" immigrated to the US. They brought a pioneer spirit, willingness to work, and some kickass genes for great-looking women with big tits.

NEW LINGSTER RENDER: I was fooling around, met inspiration, and then spent the next five hours working on this one.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR, from this Washington Post story: "Cyril Wecht, the coroner in Allegheny County, Pa., and past president of the American Academy of Forensic Sciences, said a pulse is a sign that a person is alive." DUH! Needed a coroner to tell you that?

SOME OF YOU PROBABLY ALREADY SAW this new story from The Power Company, called "A Life Less Ordinary". I think it's pretty good, with a fresh approach to the genre.

WHERE DO THOSE NEW YORK MUSCLE CLUB GUYS FIND 'EM? This is Jill Livoti, and she's really, really not bad looking. Here's another shot of her. Couldn't find much else out there, except contest placings, sans photos.

I'M BACK, BUT REALLY BUSY, AND REALLY TIRED. Gimme a day or so to get everything sorted out.

LINGSTER AMONG THE FUR-NERS, PART VII: Reader Uchendu writes:

If you can free up a day, take a drive or a train down to Rotterdam or The Hague - The Hague is about a 90-minute drive, and R'dam is about 2-hrs away. Both cities are beautiful, clean cities. The Hague is more of a tourist trap and a place to retire, but R'dam has some decent entertainment. Neither has the nightlife or 'other' characteristics of A'dam, though. And you'd get to see the REAL Holland, not the Holland that is somewhere beneath a fog of pot-smoke.

OK, so I took his advice, "hired" a car and went off touring into the nether regions of the Netherlands. What Uchendu neglected to mention, however, is that the whole country outside the cities, near as a I can tell, smells like pig shit. Actually, it smells OF sheep shit, though sheep shit smells surprisingly like pig shit. Basically, the Netherlands countryside looks like Pennsylvania, but smells like Secaucus, NJ. Still, it was worthwhile.

I'll be back in the States, soon, so keep your socks on. And...I think...I might even...write a story. The Winona thing inspired me.

LINGSTER AMONG THE FUR'NERS, PART VI: One thing that's very hard to do in Amsterdam is find a decent bookstore. In London or New York, large bookstores are plentiful--here they are few, and many of the roomier ones are used bookstores. So I have come to wonder if the Dutch are a literate society to the same extent that we Americans are. More frustrating is the taint of vice on everything. During certain hours junkies are very common on the streets, bent over from what I presume to be malnutrition and weakness. And there's something very sad about seeing half-naked, pretty young girls standing behind full-length windows in brothels, trying to sell themselves to you. It's so obvious and vulgar, and at the beginning of the 21st century, somehow trite. The bookstores you do find are often filled with porn, just as the coffee shops are filled with marijuana smoke. I can't imagine trying to raise children here.

I know, I've written titillating stories and made suggestive pictures and posted them all to the Internet, so I'm not really one to talk. But the Amsterdam red light district is so common and unclever...it's just tawdry. The architecture is pretty, and so are the paintings, but the Dutch have literally allowed their capital to go to pot.

LINGSTER AMONG THE FUR'NERS, PART V: Still in Amsterdam. OK, in the U.S., Santa Claus is accompanied by elves. In the Netherlands, he is accompanied by tranvestite midget Sambos in blackface, called Zwarte Piets or "Black Peters" (1, 2, 3). I saw this...horrible thing and immediately started laughing. What else can you do? It's so politically incorrect in an American context, that it would be almost impossible to come up with something more shocking. I explained to some Amsterdammers that if they took to raping 8-year-olds in the streets, that to American sensibilities they would scarcely have come up with something more offensive than Black Peter. I wonder when the Rev. Sharpton will show up here?

LINGSTER AMONG THE FUR'NERS, PART IV. I can tell you this: Obi-Wan Kenobi never went to Amsterdam. Of Mos Eisley spaceport he said, "You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy." Well, Amsterdam on a Tuesday makes New York on a Friday look like Salt Lake City on a Sunday. I flew in this morning, and have spent the whole day trying to avoid touching anything--even the mouse I'm using is sticky. I looked for a bookstore for HOURS, and the only ones I could find were the sort your mother wouldn't want you to go into. As a matter of fact, 75% of the retail establishments in the center of Amsterdam are of the sort your mother wouldn't want you to go into.

That said, the women are gorgeous--tall, blonde, busty and built. And the city has more bicycles than Beijing, so everywhere you go you see the "Cycling of the Valkyries"--a piece Strauss and Wagner could have collaborated on. TV ads that are designed to appeal to a mass audience feature women with D-cup funbags. It's...refreshing.

So I'm up in the air about how crazy to go. Do I just browse a few adult bookstores and take a canal ride, or do I drop $1000 on hash and hookers? It's not really my style, but I can tell this place has a way of making you say, "Oh my GOD, what did I DO?" when you wake up in the morning.

And of course I'll break my no American fast food pledge to have a "Royale with Cheese".

"WHO CRAVES A COCK?" shouted a flush-faced young man, walking along the Strand in Covent Garden and carrying an unlikely bottle of Michelob. I, myself, did not crave one (or two!), plus I was (am) thoroughly polluted. I am so drunk that my left eyeball is throbbing. I keep blinking to get it to stop, but to little avail. I entered the easyInternetCafe along the Strand, sat down, and realized immediately that I needed to take a squirt. I asked the apparent-Czech apparatchik running the joint where I could take (or leave, as case may be) said squirt--his response: "Zair es Michadonack un minit udder sayd strit." I asked him to repeat, he did, and somehow the translation congealed in my mind: "There is a McDonald's, one minute's walk away, on the other side of the street." I went, I pissed, I bought a Coke. Now I'm back, two blocks from the Thames, one block from Nelson's Column, typing on what is probably the only fully-functional keyboard in this godforsaken, orange place. This is not to say that I have anything interesting to relate, except for the fact that I had a tremendous meal at a place called Brown's, a block east of Leicester Square (that's "Lester" Square for you uncultured, North American heathens), and that, as I said earlier, I am drunk.

The key to deciphering multi-syllabic big-E English names is to imagine that you're thoroughly piss-drunk polluted (which is not a problem for me at this point). Then say the name three or four times fast, and the way you say it the last time you're able to get even a remote approximation of the way the English pronounce it. Thus: "LIE-chester, LIE-chesser, LAH-chesur, LEH-ster".

Anyway, this post is rapidly heading toward a realization of Truman Capote's criticism of Jack Kerouac ("That's not writing, that's typewriting."), so I'll move along. I was going to go over to the Retro Bar next, but then I looked for a link to show you fellas and realized belatedly that it's a gay bar (does anyone cock a crave?). So instead I'm going back to the Lamb and Flag--should be there until about midnight (GMT), so if you're a London Lingster fan and online about now, I'll be on the second floor. Come on by, walk up to the second floor and shout "Who craves a busty amazon?" and I'll walk over, shake your hand, and buy you a bitter, or, if you come by too late, I'll walk over, puke on your shoes and start mumbling about how Princess Di was really pretty. Hustle, my Limey amigos!

BUSY DAY! I've got a lot going on today but thought I'd pop in and share some things with you fellas:

There are more Pizza Huts in London than McDonald's in Manhattan.

There are more Burger Kings than Pizza Huts.

I refuse to eat in an American franchise restaurant while in another country--what's the point of going someplace else if you're going to eat the same food?

Every single terminal at this public access Internet "parlour" has a broken goddamned space bar.

I've actually had two sunny days in Britain since being here--and my surprise is surpassed only by the surprise of the weathermen: "We're actually going to see the sun today!!"

Anyway, gonna head out into the sunlight now--will try to write more this afternoon or evening.

WINONA WATCH: Cindy Adams on Winona's legal troubles.

GREETINGS FROM ALBION. Yes, I'm in the land of scones & warm beer at the moment, at a public access terminal with all the keys in the wrong places and a broken spacebar. In my hotel room I caught a few minutes of a stuntman award ceremony that had lots of built women stunt, uh, people getting awards. Not bad. I'll try to pop in from time to time and write something meaningful. Check back Wednesday to see photos of Lingster urinating on the Arc de Triomphe. Kidding! (Or am I?)

MARKNEW HAS REVISED "A GOOD WITCH", now available on Diana the Valkyrie's site.

YESTERDAY WAS ONE OF OUR BEST DAYS EVER, with 719 visits.

AND THIS IS AWFUL. Let's hope it doesn't spread beyond them--supposedly the Black Death needs a rodent vector, but I'm not taking any chances.

KIDCOMIX4EVER IM'S to tell me that there's lots of good stuff showing up the A Growing Concern Yahoo! group.

THIS IS PRETTY COOL. I always liked these things. The new place is on Crosby St., I think, just above Houston.

WINONA WATCH: She's so beautiful--like an angel. Maybe she'll start hitting the weights in prison? It'd be cool if she puts on 10 or 15 pounds of muscle while she's away, right?

OK, GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS. The good news is--I'm finally taking a vacation! The bad news is that I'm finally taking a vacation, and there won't be any updates hereabouts for about ten days. I might try to post travel photos while I'm gone, if I can find a cybercafe that lets me plug in my USB camera, but I can't promise anything. But I'll be back around 19 November.

Any bets on whether Saddam Hussein is taking a dirt nap by the time I get back?

WINONA WATCH: Uh-oh.

I UPDATED MY PREVIOUS RENDER AT WRECK-SHOP'S SITE. Check it again, right here.

HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN FOLLOWING THIS ELENA SEIPLE? She popped up on my radar a few months ago, though I think I saw pictures of her as long ago as two years back. She's got a fitness/mid-weight bodybuilder physique, but with monstrously muscular arms and shoulders (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) bolted on. And in addition to heart-breakingly strong-looking biceps, she's pretty, has a terrific smile (I'd be smiling if I had humongous guns, too!) and likes to dress up in superheroine costume! She looks great both in formal wear and casual wear. She's also kind of a geek (1, 2)--IT manager of a small bank in Jersey. I don't think that there's anything sexier than a good-looking, muscular nerd-girl. But work-wise, with an upper torso and arms like that, I wonder where she buys business clothes that fit? It's a sure bet she doesn't need help lifting the rack servers into place.

Lori Braun has a whole picture series of her here, looking really cute and buff, under the surname "Perticari", and here's a stats page at Getbuf.com about her, with competition pics like this one. If she were taller she'd be a shoo-in to play the She-Hulk, but as is, imagine the sublime joy of a 5'2", 135 pound girl with 15" arms. Sigh.

She was part of a New York Muscle Club show in September--if she's in another one I might actually break my vow of seclusion to go. Damnit but she's cute! I harbor unrealistic hopes that Perticari was her married name, and she's gone back to using her maiden of Seiple, although it's likely the reverse. Sigh, again.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE W., concludes David Brooks in this article. He says:

Finally, never, ever, ever underestimate George W. Bush. It took me two years of being wrong about Bush before I finally got sick of it. The rest of the pundit class had better catch on. He is a leader of the first order. This historic night belongs to him.

He's right--not every smart person is articulate. Bush knows what he wants and he's incredibly canny about getting it. After the aftermath of 9/11, the outmaneuvering of the Democrats and the UN bureaucrats on Iraq, and beating all the odds on a midterm election, I've got to hand it to the guy. He capitalizes on his assets better than Clinton, and those assets are a lot closer to the equal of Clinton's than most people ever thought.

THIS IS REALLY COOL. I can't even begin to imagine how such a thing is possible--the optics required to spot, and processors required to identify, a shell in flight and then discharge at a set position--wow.

I POSTED A NEW ONE AT WRECK-SHOP.

VERY POSSIBLY THE WORST SPAM MAIL I HAVE RECEIVED:

Let me ask you this...which is worse:

A. The engine on your Lexus freezes up at 160,000 miles instead of 300,000. You take a financial hit and you are forced to buy a Camry this time.

B. You start bleeding during bowel movements. You go to the doctor and get poked, prodded, X-ray'd, biopsied, etc. 3 days later you get a call for a consultation. The doctor informs you that you have advanced colon cancer at 45 years old. You have anywhere from 6 months to 5 years left to live. He tells you it's time to get your house in order because you'll be checking out soon. Chemotherapy starts today.

A friend of mine who was a science and health researcher at the University of Chicago, just died this past year of colon cancer at 42. In the midst of the prime of his life, he said goodbye, and left his wife and child behind, wondering what just hit them.

Why do you brush your teeth? Are your teeth falling out right now? For most of us, we do it so we won't need false teeth and Fixodent down the road...right? We want to be able to eat apples. Hey, I agree with that. Natural teeth are great.

But have you ever seen someone who was forced to endure a colonectomy? Someone who now will be spending the rest of their life carrying a bag around?

Incredibly, this is an area where even the staunchest MD's AGREE with us!! Can you believe it? If they knew you had the greatest colon cleanse in the world, I bet they might even refer people to you. NO, I'm not kidding...

This subject is not even up for debate. It's a proven fact. The problem is, most people are not doing anything about it. Please don't be one of them.

****WARNING***** The next section of this email contains graphic material which may not be suitable for squeamish individuals.

Let's talk stools.

The stool tells you a lot about your colon health. If it's dark brown in color, and it sinks, and it stinks, that's not good. And don't feel bad, that's the way most people are. What you want to see is light brown color, which means it's full of fresh bile from the liver, very mild odor, and a stool that floats. We're talking low-density here folks. The more compaction you have the darker the color and the faster it sinks. Compaction is not good. Also, moving bowels should be SIMPLE. If the veins are popping out of your neck and you feel like your doing the bench press, you NEED to cleanse your colon.

When you do the cleanse, for the first few days....things are a little weird. But you know you're cleansed when you see the above good stuff happening, and you are eliminating at least 2-3 times per day.

Cleansing your colon is a 30-day process. Its also very economical at $51.50. You may be very surprised at some of the benefits you will receive besides just losing 1-5 lbs of cr*p from your body and brightening your future health.

People have reported more energy, less allergies, clearing of acne, cessation of migraines, and many other results, not to mention restored regularity. When your body is void of old, poisonous toxins that are constantly being reabsorbed through the colon walls, it can begin to heal again. And when the colon walls are clean, the good nutrients from your food and supplements can be absorbed again. You will be thrilled with the results.

At this point you are either nauseated thinking about what is inside your own colon, or you're ready to do something about cleaning it out.

Want more info? Click here and I'll send it to you, including instructions on how to take it. And yes, I have taken it myself.

Currently available only in the U.S. and Canada. Seeking Distributors to meet high demand.

OK, first off, do you know anybody who drives a Lexus for more than about 60,000 miles? This spammer is just trying to set the stage: "Hey, I'm an affluent guy." When he is, as the rest of the email demonstrates, and effluent guy. Secondly, doesn't cancer take at least fifteen years to go from first malignancy to serious onset? Seems like his "friend" who died of colon cancer at 42 probably suffered his carcinogenic episode sometime in his teens or twenties. But of course I'm not a doctor, and I know that I should get more fiber, myself.

CARTER WATCH: After a weekend of research, Lingster can confirm that his relationship to a certain former president is through marriage, not blood. Seems a couple of generations back--fewer than you'd think--the sister of one of Lingster's ancestors married the brother of one of His Uselessness' ancestors. Close call!

WINONA WATCH: Disgruntled former employee says Saks is out to get her. I am very friendly with a current Saks employee, who says that the attitude within the company hardened toward Winona after she denied she did it. Apparently, Lingster is told, the store wasn't even going to press charges until she made a big deal of it.

OK, I'M BACK IN TOWN.