CHRIS MOREA POSTED HIS TAKE ON WONDER WOMAN in his Yahoo! Group.

LOOK AT THESE CLOWNS. We're a week in and already they're comparing Gulf War II to Vietnam. It'll be over soon enough, you weak-souled nancy boys. And I'm of the opinion that Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Ladin are together. In Hell.

THE FEMFLEX VIDEO STORE is terrific, even if you don't order any videos. This girl's my favorite, there's something about the level confidence in her demeanor that says "I'm beautiful, and I'm stronger than my boyfriend."

ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE BLOGGERS. What's really funny is that they're serious.

I WAS EGO-SURFING ON GOOGLE for "Lingster's Big Mouth" and got this page back. Hm.

FRENCH'S MUSTARD IS NOT FRENCH. Hilarious.
[Thanks to The Command Post]

EVER HAD THAT FEELING THAT SOMEONE IS LOOKING AT YOU? My eyes were closed, and my head still on the pillow this morning when suddenly I had the unnerving sense that someone was looking at me. I opened my eyes, and my cat, "Felingster", was staring at my nose from a distance of about an inch and a half. Cats are so fucking weird.

HERE'S A GREAT IMAGE FROM RENDEROSITY--I posted an earlier version of it a few months ago. Read the text below the image, too. The artist, Andy Moraitis, his a big gallery here.

NAT HENTOFF in the Village Voice, on the war.

WYRMMASTER POSTED THIS A FEW WEEKS AGO. It speaks for itself.

SNOPES.COM PROVIDES A NICE ETYMOLOGY of this partially apocryphal Colin Powell quote:

Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.

In reality what he said was this:

We have gone forth from our shores repeatedly over the last hundred years and we’ve done this as recently as the last year in Afghanistan and put wonderful young men and women at risk, many of whom have lost their lives, and we have asked for nothing except enough ground to bury them in...

I think either is a nice response to those who say the U.S. is "empire building" in Iraq.

MORALITY VS LUST, that age-old conflict, rears its ugly head. I have generally negative feelings about posting candid photos on the Web, as most of you probably know. But the guy who runs Candid Dingdongs is about to post a large number of candids he took of busty women in Southeast Asia. You can see my dilemma--big head says no, little head says "HELL YES!". I expect the big head to win, but it will be a heck of a fight.

Apparently his M.O. is to walk around with a video camera in his hand, at his side. No one even looks to see if it's turned on.

THE HOOSIER TIMES RAN AN ARTICLE ON WONDER WOMAN. I think the author is missing a lot of what's going on with the character, but since I don't usually read the comic I can't say for sure. It looks to me like they're doing a homage to an 18-month-long storyline from around 1970, not reinventing the character. Walt Simonson, who's writing the comic these days, had this to say: "But remember, Wonder Woman's specific mission is to bring peace; she's a heroine who fights for peace." Her specific mission is to bring peace? I thought her specific mission was to provide a little domination and submission titillation; the stilletto heels, the lasso which compels, the broken manacles/bracelets, etc. Don't take it too seriously, Walt--just have Jerry draw her with some big boobs and brawny limbs.

IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH FOREST OF BREAST? I can't download photos. It's making me unhappy. Lingster unhappy is not a pretty sight.

HAPPY 33RD BIRTHDAY to the very-nicely-put-together Maria Carey! Here's a great picture site.

A NICE 3D HOTTIE on Renderosity. I might have to try the Photo Art Master software he mentions. Ho wit would differ from Photoshop filters, I have no idea.

A CUTE BASKETBALL MUSCLE SHOT.

OSCAR UPDATE: Jennifer Garner, looking pretty buff, according to E! Online.

HEY--sorry I haven't been blogging. Have some personal problems that are occupying a lot of my time the last few days. Just posting this so you don't think I'm dead.

TOMOKO KANDA HAS BEEN WORKING OUT AND EATING RIGHT since the fall. She got to this size in the winter, and a month ago she was about this big.
All this comes from Steel Butterflies.

MARKNEW SENT ME THIS PHOTO of Salma Hayek today, and then I went out and found this one from the [giggle] Golden Globes.

THIS POSTED TODAY AT NATIONAL REVIEW:

On TV here in NYC Saturday, there was this great scene from the protest in the city. This 40-something hippie lady bust through the barricade and the cops tackle her hard to the ground and the cop says "Where you from" she says "Cleveland" With that he slams her head into the street and says "Welcome to New York." Man that scene alone was worth having the war.

Wish I saw that! It reminds me of that scene in Mulholland Falls, where Chazz Palminteri asks one guy, "You from New York?" When the guy says "Yeah," Palminteri decks him and says, "I'm from Jersey."

MAN ABANDONS HIS FAMILY AND DIES FOR SADDAM.

LOCG: ADRIEN BRODY IS MY HERO.
1) Halle Berry walks to the mike to announce the winner.
2) Brody reaches to embrace Berry.
3) Once in his embrace, Brody macks with the best-looking woman in the western world, 1 & 2.
4) She doesn't seem TOO upset.

READER WOTAN WRITES:

...As for the Steve Martin remark about Sean Connery's tux: I believe Steve was alluding to the fact that the cravat of Sean's shirt sort of resembles a lobster bib...hence the Red Lobster joke.

That's probably it--went right over my head.

SIDE BY SIDE COMPARISON

class	ass

LOCG: If that fat, useless fuck Michael Moore wins the documentary Oscar, I am out of here.
[Update: Good night, folks.]
[Update: They're booing him! He's even violating Hollywood's low standards!]
[Update: Steve Martin joke: "The teamsters are helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo."]

LOCG: So some Mexican pretty boy dwarf just told us that if she was still alive, one of the most over-rated painters of the 20th century (and that's sayin' somethin' folks) would be opposed to the war in Iraq. Is that supposed to mean something? Artists are among the most tone-deaf people, politically--look at all the talent that lined up behind Hitler, for intance. Also, if ever the time comes that we in the United States are in need of political advice from Mexico, that advice will be welcome. In the meantime, why don't you direct your (doubtless heartfelt and well-thought-out) efforts at solving the myriad problems faced by people in your homeland?

Put Frida Kahlo on your checks, today!

LOCG: Salma Hayek. OMG. [Pant pant!] Link alone, and with the doofus.

LOCG: GM is sure buying a bunch of ads for Cadillac, huh?

LOCG: What the fuck is Sean Connery wearing? He looks like Prince at a funeral. Link.
[Update: Anybody else think Connery's use of Zeta's first name, and comfortable resting of his hand on her as they walked off-stage, plus her description of him as "my Scotsman" in a moment of emotion, indicates a past romatic relationship? She does dig the older fellas, as attested by her ossified current bridegroom.]
[Update 2: Steve Martin made fun of Connery's tux, with a joke (I didn't get) about the Red Lobster restaurant chain.]

LOCG: Catherine Zeta Jones' pregnancy sweater-puppies are so big, they rival Latifah's.

LOCG: Has Jennifer Connelly put on some weight in the last year? Looks like she might have regrown some boob flesh! She's wearing a jacket, so it's hard to say for sure. But her face seems fuller. And she gave the award to Chris Cooper, who I've always liked, ever since Great Expectations.

LINGSTER'S OSCAR COVERAGE THREAD (LOCG): Christ on a bike, Steve Martin's funny.
[Update: OMG, I am pissing my pants. This is incredibly hilarious.]
[Update 2: Queen Latifah's breasts are so big they each must have had their own make-up artist.]

HAVE I BEEN TRANSPORTED TO A PARALLEL DIMENSION? They're showing big tits in the ads for the Oxygen Channel playing during the Academy Awards. In fact, the ads seem to be about big tits. I thought Oxygen was the Burning Bed channel?

I HAVE BEEN HUMMING THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC SINCE 9/11. It certainly seems appropos to the times. But when I sing it to myself in the shower, I do so with real rage and fury--something that's lacking in nearly all the versions I've been able to find in music catalogs. The closest version I've found to doing it "right" is the Russian Army Choir, in that the choir has several hundred men singing as if they were marching, angry, and serious as a heart attack. Does anyone know another good, piss-and-vinegar version? Here's a MIDI music file version I like, and here are the lyrics:

1. Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the coming of the Lord;
he is trampling out the vintage
where the grapes of wrath are stored;
he hath loosed the fateful lightning
of his terrible swift sword;
his truth is marching on.


Refrain:
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

2. I have seen him in the watchfires
of a hundred circling camps,
they have builded him an altar
in the evening dews and damps;
I can read his righteous sentence
by the dim and flaring lamps;
his day is marching on.
(Refrain)

3. He has sounded forth the trumpet
that shall never call retreat;
he is sifting out the hearts of men
before his judgment seat;
O be swift, my soul, to answer him;
be jubilant, my feet!
Our God is marching on.
(Refrain)

4. In the beauty of the lilies
Christ was born across the sea,
with a glory in his bosom
that transfigures you and me;
as he died to make men holy,
let us die to make men free,
while God is marching on.
(Refrain)

5. He is coming like the glory
of the morning on the wave,
he is wisdom to the mighty,
he is honor to the brave;
so the world shall be his footstool,
and the soul of wrong his slave.
Our God is marching on.
(Refrain)

I'd just like one to listen to, that does it right--Old Testament style, yo.

DAVID ANNAND also included two links to Yuoko Matsugane sites (sometimes her name is spelled "Yoko", sometimes it's "Matsukane", and of course sometimes the names are reversed in Japanese style). But anyway, here they are: 1 & 2.

CONTEST HAS ENDED! After countless entries (OK, three), we have a winner. The only two guesses were Fail-Safe and Dr. Strangelove. Now, I didn't even consider Failsafe--I think it's Dr. Strangelove. I owned the latter on DVD, but I lent it to my old man, and don't have it at my place right now. But anyway, the winner is David Annand (who guessed both). Dr. Strangelove is to my mind the better film--and not just because it features the wonderful Peter Sellers in the lead (rather than the boring and over-rated old pinko, Henry Fonda).

LINGSTER'S FIRST CONTEST: Who can identify the source of the graphic on Lilek's latest Bleat? The winner gets a no-prize.

CELINE DION MUSIC BEING USED TO TORTURE IRAQIS.

...her music is being used as one of the "weapons of mass persuasion" employed by the U.S. military in an initiative that blasts Western music and propaganda over Iraqi airwaves in the hopes it will help break enemy morale.

I'm not making this up. Even the Iraqis loathe this fleshless aberration. Skinny = Bad.

REBELETTE, A "DIXIE CHICK" WE CAN ALL ADMIRE. She's ain't a bleach-blonde, chubby, loudmouth traitor--she's a buxom, muscular supergirl with flowing red hair and a predilection for tight-fitting, revealing clothing. Here's to states' rights! Thanks to Supergirls Incorporated for this one.

[Update: Reader Jim Bob writes in to say this girl from the South makes him rise again and again!]

EXCUSE ME, BUT DOES THIS JAIL HAVE AN ESPRESSO MACHINE? Berkeley and San Francisco yuppie faux-sandalistas spend the night in the lock-up, spurring the best headline of the war so far: "War protesters not too thrilled about their night in S.F. jail" And the money quote:

They griped that their requests for water or food were ignored or delayed for hours. When they did get fed, they got cheese or peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches that didn't taste great.

Awwww....first the dotcom bubble bursts, and now the jack-booted lackeys of the oppressor force them to consume ovu-lac and high-fructose corn syrup! While the S.F.P.D. is obviously aware that meat is murder, it has apparently yet to grasp that cheese is slavery. Next time, perhaps the menu will include tofurkey sandwiches with endives and vinaigrette, on organic wheat/nut bread. This belongs on Gawker.

(The left defies any attempt at satire--it embraces every absurdity. Next week they'll be trying to enroll chimpanzees in kindergarten, for all anybody can guess.)

TOM BURGOS POSTED A BUNCH OF DRAWINGS TO EBAY LATE LAST MONTH.

YOWZA! I do love Yuoko Matsugane!

COOL BLOG (And great taste in Blogger templates, too!)

"SHOCKED BACK TO REALITY"--a more polite soul wouldn't note that it took the pastor quite a lot of time to figure things out. The money paragraph:

A group of American anti-war demonstrators who came to Iraq with Japanese human shield volunteers made it across the border today with 14 hours of uncensored video, all shot without Iraqi government minders present. Kenneth Joseph, a young American pastor with the Assyrian Church of the East, told UPI the trip "had shocked me back to reality." Some of the Iraqis he interviewed on camera "told me they would commit suicide if American bombing didn't start. They were willing to see their homes demolished to gain their freedom from Saddam's bloody tyranny. They convinced me that Saddam was a monster the likes of which the world had not seen since Stalin and Hitler. He and his sons are sick sadists. Their tales of slow torture and killing made me ill, such as people put in a huge shredder for plastic products, feet first so they could hear their screams as bodies got chewed up from foot to head."

The only thing we have to apologize for is that we didn't do this in 1991.

FEMFLEX POSTED SOME NEW FREE PHOTOS--check out the Jody May shots. She's a brawny hottie, and seems to share the common musclegirl superheroine fantasy (Elena Seiple being another with this delightful fixation). We all owe an enormous debt to Lynda Carter and the producers of the Wonder Woman TV show--think of the impact that show had on the psyches of young girls back in the 70s, making them desirous of greater-than-normal strength.

THIS IS THE COOLEST THING I EVER HEARD. Go Mohammed! Kick her ass! "I never listen to a word you say again, you chirping bird!"

READER JOHN WRITES IN with a link to a photo of big-armed cutie Ana Dukovic. I sent Ms. Dukovic email back when I first posted info about her, but she never responded. That always bugs me--in a similar vein, when D.J. Wallis sent me email, I was unable to coax her into a long-term email correspondence, dating relationship or marriage.

I'M GETTING EMAIL FROM PEOPLE SAYING, "Iraq wasn't responsible for 9/11, don't you understand that?"

Number one I'm not at all certain that Iraq wasn't involved. This isn't a criminal matter--it's war. We know he was involved in past terrorist attacks on U.S. entities, and that's good enough for me. We don't need to find any fingerprints for this--when a state engages in terrorism, this is the risk it faces. (Syria's and Iran's funding of Hezbollah, for instance, might come back to haunt them if Hezbollah does something stupid.)

Secondly, 9/11 was a rare example of military success for the Arabs. They have to be shown that it ultimately results in failure, or they may start doing this sort of thing all the time. Essentially, we are holding all the Arab and Muslim regimes hostage. They now know that every time there is a massive attack on the U.S. by Muslim terrorists, we're going to use it as an excuse (causus belli) to depose a regime we don't like, regardless of whether we can prove involvement. That's a pretty good incentive to make sure it doesn't happen again, don't you think?

Thirdly, we have shown that we will defy the world to avenge these attacks. Assuming that this war will be over in days, we will have shown that we can topple one of the strongest Arab regimes with the commitment of a tiny portion of our GDP, and minor U.S. and civilian loss of life. We can topple a regime and take control of large portions of the country without even engaging in widespread infrastructure bombing.

Finally, by the end of the year we will be holding municipal and local elections in Iraq, and will have helped them begin the transition to a state that doesn't terrorize its citizens and is governed by public input. That will speak to our intentions as loudly as any of the rest of it.

THIS IS HILARIOUS.

I WISH I WAS OVER THERE! I envy these boys. I envy them so much.

God, please be with our honored dead, the firemen and police officers who died on 9/11, and American and British military personnel who have passed in the last few days. Better men you couldn't hope to find.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. We are being avenged.

VIRGIN FOR LIFE.

JOY, JOY, JOY, JOY! Saddam is probably dead! Payback's a bitch!

HEY! A naked girl with gigantic boobs!

SEVENTH CAVALRY ROLLING INTO IRAQ! Garry Owen! Godspeed, boys!

SOMEBODY WROTE ME AN EMAIL calling me a "Nazi". Hahaha. Dude, it's clear in this war who's playing the part of the Nazis, and it's not the U.S. You've got a tyrant who's persecuted Jews, gassed his own people and tried to annex his neighbors, and he's in Baghdad. Think it over.

(Nobody's called me a Nazi since college!)

OK! HERE WE GO! I just saw a bomb go off in Baghdad on NBC.

HMMM. Well, maybe tomorrow night.

IT WAS AN EVENING VERY MUCH LIKE THIS ONE, chilly but mostly clear, when I first realized the Twin Towers were beautiful. It was the autumn of 1996, and I was walking across Exchange Place in Jersey City, directly across the river from the Battery, when I looked up and gasped. The lower portion of the towers were in darkness, and the interior illumination shone through the windows--the upper portion reflected the sun setting to the west, a dusky violet from the level of perhaps the seventieth floor to the one-hundredth, with the flash of orange at the very top. I nearly lost my step as I crossed the square, so impressed was I with the beauty of them. I stood there and watched the reflected sunset.

There's another image of them that's burned in my mind--five years later and from a different angle, as I watched them burn from the roof of my office building, a mile away. Still obviously massive, but with twin funnels of smoke rising up from them. I could smell the fire--fuel and maybe the faint odor of burning meat--and hear the sirens, tears running down my face as I considered the thousands trapped within.

No tears for me tonight. Tonight the butcher's bill will be paid. Tonight we show the world what happens when you come to the United States with the gun. Attack America? Kill your own.

HOLY SHIT.

FINGERS...TRYING...MUST NOT TYPE....Iraq blog...aarrrrgh. Contest...of...wills....argh!!

WOULD YOU PAY $62,500 TO SEE CELINE DION? I didn't think so. Hell, I might pay that much NOT to see her. (Now if she put on a couple pounds and stopped singing crap, that might be a different story...)

NICE ARTICLE-- "More Women, More Muscle".

I JUST GOT BACK FROM A WEEKEND AWAY. I encountered the perfect woman--physically perfect, anyway. She's a bartender, about 5'6". Her figure is of the old bombshell type--Marilyn Monroe type, busty, thin waist, nice hips, but with broader shoulders than is normal. And great arms--more than just the usual "waitress muscle"--I think she must be something of a gym rat. I sat right near the taps and engaged her in conversation a couple of times--watching that bicep bulge out when she pulled the tap forward...ecstasy. I was crestfallen when I spotted the rings on her finger. Married.

But that combination of muscular girl with curves and not-particularly-low bodyfat isn't something you see in the magazines or the Web sites. Damn shame, because to my eye it's unbelievably enticing.

I POSTED A NEW IMAGE to Wreck Shop's message board.

DID YOU SEE THAT FISTMAN POSTED A BUNCH OF NEW PHOTOS from the Arnold Expo at HerBiceps? Here's my favorite--I love a brainy-looking muscle girl.

ABOUT 8 OR 10 INCHES TOO HIGH.

GREAPOS HAS A YAHOO! GROUP, and he's posted some photos and stories there. A new story, "A Woman's Charms", is also available at the site.

THIS ELIZABETH SMART STORY IS GETTING UGLY. I was in my car yesterday, out of town, when I heard the news come over the radio that she'd been found alive. I was surprised at first, but I have to admit I quickly became suspicious. Your typical kidnapper and rapist will kill his victim rather than allow the victim to become a threat to him. The fact that this girl has emerged healthy and well-fed, and initially denied her true identity to police, makes me wonder if we're not looking at a Patty-Hearst-type situation. I sure hope this is over, but I have a bad feeling this story is going to get pretty tawdry before it goes away.

THE NEW JOHN BYRNE COMIC, GENERATIONS, will likely feature a female version of OMAC in coming issues, Lingster suspects.

FUCK THE DIXIE CHICKS. If somebody's opposed to the war, and wants to talk about it here, that's fine. But for them to get on stage in London and badmouth the President--overseas--giving aid and comfort to Saddam Hussein in the process, is unacceptable. I've bought all three of their albums since that fat little bitch Natalie joined the band---no more. They're done for me, and I suspect for a lot of the rest of their former fan base. Rot in hell, girls--you just made a career decision.

TAKE SOME TIME TO APPRECIATE THE NEXT FEW DAYS. Once we're at war, there's no telling what could happen. Our enemies are among us, and they will try to strike at us.

SCRAWNY RENEE ZELLWEGER to play Marilyn Monroe on the big screen? Come on! She'd have trouble playing Marilyn at age 11.

READER WOTAN WRITES, in response to my disgust concerning the man who was intimidated by his cat:

I'm a fan of your blog, and usually check it out a couple times a week. When I saw your lead-in to the story about the man trapped in his bathroom by his cat, I had to send you these little trivia facts from the 'Book Of Lists #2'...I think you'll enjoy them. :)

From an entry listing "10 Famous Cat Haters", come these three 'adult male humans' that fall into the intimidated category:

5. Henry 3rd, French king (1551-1589) A zealous Roman Catholic, Henry was like a lion when persecuting the Protestant minority in
France. But the presence of a cat turned the king into a chicken. He fainted if a cat came close to him.

6. Napoleon Bonaparte, French emperor (1769-1821) During one campaign, an aide-de-camp passed the general's bedroom and was surprised to hear him calling for assistance. Opening the door, the aide saw the emperor, half-dressed and sweating profusely, lunging with his sword through the tapestry that lined the walls. His prey? A tiny kitten.

7. Frederick Sleigh Roberts, British military leader (1832-1914) Because of his brilliant successes in Afghanistan and later in the Boer War, Roberts became an earl and the commander in chief of the British army. In his skirmishes with cats, however, he always scored a poor second. When he saw a cat, Roberts got so excited that he had difficulty breathing.

AN APPARENT FEMALE READER (I know, I know, calm down) sent in this link, to an amusing story about a guy with an odd fetish.

I CAN'T BELIEVE AN ADULT MALE HUMAN could be intimidated by a housecat.

WEIRD STORY ABOUT William McNamara, former fiancee of our dream girl, Erika Eleniak.

A GROOVY SITE, Swingin' Chicks.

ASK LINGSTER: We're inaugurating a new feature here, called "Ask Lingster". Today's question comes from Miggy:

Hey dude! I've been wondering for a long time, and you might know, what's that dark dust stuff on top of soda cans?

That's an excellent question, Miggy. I made a few phone calls and came up with the answer: it's mouse shit. The dust you speak of is referred to in the industry as DRUFE, for "Dried Rodent Urinary/Fecal Excretions". See, while the cans are sitting in warehouses, rats and mice run across the top of them. Sometimes they stop and relieve themselves. While there have been several Internet hoaxes suggesting that drinking from cans dirtied in such a fashion can cause a leptospirosis infection and death, it's actually pretty unlikely that you could get ill from ingesting soda can DRUFE. (I'd wash it off anyway.) Don't worry, be happy!

BLOGGING GOES MAINSTREAM. A CNN report.

REAP THE WHIRLWIND: OBL nearing capture? Spine-tingling suspense!

I just hope they don't shoot him in the face--we need recognizable remains.

I'M WATCHING THIS BATMAN REUNION ON CBS--lotsa boob gags. They even wrote on one with a black magic marker.

AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE ROCKETEER, it's important to remember the superlative Dave Stevens graphic novel which was the basis for it. In the comic, Jennifer Connelly's character was a thinly-disguised Bettie Page--in fact, many people credit The Rocketeer book for the resurgence of Bettie Page erotica and other material.

But in this morning's Page Six, I read that a movie about Bettie Page's life is in the works, probably starring Liv Tyler. LIV TYLER? Liv Tyler, the tall, mealy-mouthed drink of water who played Jennifer Connelly's comically flat-chested sister in Inventing the Abbotts? They need to think that over. They need somebody snappy, sassy, and with a better body. I'd ask Samantha Mathis to put on about 5 pounds of muscle and a little extra girl flesh to boot (maybe pad her) and give her the role.

IF YOU GET "HBO FAMILY", be apprised that The Rocketeer will be airing in 40 minutes---7pm EST. Watching Miss Connelly bounce around in that otherwise forgettable film is the most fun you'll ever have on a 'family' channel.

I'M A BIG FAN OF KRISTY SWANSON'S. From time to time she's gone too-skinny dipping, but most of the time she's fleshy and curvy and very yummy. I found this early picture of her, and this one is nice. Plus this, and this. Plus she likes guys with toolboxes, (which is all me, baby, in case you're reading this).

T-MOBILE MUSCLEGIRL ADS: I saw these a few months ago on a street signboard ad, somebody posted a link to Armfan's message board.

WATER-SKIING SQUIRREL. Hmm.

OSAMA CAPTURED? I've made no secret of my belief that he's dead, but oh, how I hope he remains alive. There are rumors he was caught today. Nothing could make me happier than to hear he is in U.S. custody.

AW, CRAP. More snow coming. There's still some on the ground from last time.

TWO GROWTH STORIES on DtV, by Greapos. One and two.

AND SINCE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, let's take a look at this month's Green Lantern. A year ago or so, the Green Lantern comic was "captured" by activist gays looking to recruit teenaged boys into the lifestyle. I stopped buying it as soon as the storyline started to go in that direction, so I can't tell you how it turned out, but I saw enough to know it included the usual litany of victimhood and oppressed class horseshit. The writer is a guy named Jude Winnick, whom some of you may remember from one of the early seasons of The Real World. His storylines are generally unsurprising and uninteresting, the worst kind of predictable superhero crap, but infused with the interesting twist of homoerotica. For instance, Green Lantern now wears a sadomasochistic-looking leather ensemble (complete with dog collar) and his best pal is a teeny bopper who's just come out of the closet. (Of course he needed Green Lantern's support at every turn against the horrible, oppressive, homophobic, conformist blah blah blah.)

Winnick's going to be leaving the series soon, so hopefully we'll be see the end of the club kids storyline. But he actually did something interesting this month, (though as usual he telegraphs the story arc's eventual outcome) introducing a large and terrible muscular amazon character.

READER DELMO POINTS OUT that Sprint PCS ads also poke fun at Sigfried and Roy, who are also friends of Dorothy, if you know what I mean. It seems like a lot of these ads are designed to capitalize on the amusement value of obvious homosexuals, which isn't very nice.

HERE'S ONE FOR MARKNEW, in his hour of frustration. I've been there, fella. I've been there.

HAS ANYBODY ELSE NOTICED THAT SPRINT PCS ADS frequently mock B-grade celebrity (presumed) gay men named "Richard"? I mean, first they made fun of Richard Simmons, now Little Richard. Will Richard Gere be in the next one?

THE GUY IS A MACHINE! Where does Marc2410 get all his material? Here's his latest post at DtV.

I FOUND A SPORTS SITE THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. Among other things, he's got an excellent defense of why the West is superior to Islam, using the Brazil v. Turkey World Cup Match as an example.

NOMDRESERV POSTED A NEW STORY LAST WEEK, but didn't tell anybody! Here's the link--a big hunky high school jock is reduced, and a sexy girl gets to be enormously strong. It's all there!

I JUST KEEP LAUGHING ABOUT THIS PHOTO. It's like one of those Mastercard ads:

• 19 box-cutter knives: $23.95
• 250 pounds of C4: $1,345
• Rent for hideaway hovel in the middle of nowhere: $45/mo.
• Getting pulled out of said hovel at 2am in the morning while in your underpants, to be tortured and imprisoned for the rest of your life: Priceless.

God, this makes me so happy.

WHO KNEW MOAMMAR WAS ONE OF US? Somebody ought to invite him to the next New York Muscle Club event! We'd have a great time together, and then we could beat him to death while shouting "Remember Lockerbie!"

"OPEN AS A TOMB ON EASTER!" "Pseu-diddly-oodanym!" I love these little Flandersisms--the episode of The Simpsons they're showing is all about Ned. On the downside, they showed a scene where Marge was trying to dip Homer while they were dancing--she lacked the strength and dropped him. I can't figure it--three weeks ago she had big muscles and pulled the bumper off a school bus.

THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING! British "human shields" flee Baghdad. Makes you wonder what they were thinking when they went there in the first place? At least we know how seriously to treat them now. (Which is not at all.)

COUPLE OF PAM ANDERSON SHOTS AT ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY. In this one she looks like she's about to pop right out of her top, and in this one you can see a little bit of something extra. I've read some discussion boards where it's been suggested that she wasn't happy with the reaction to her reduced bust size and subsequently had even larger implants put in. That looks pretty likely to me.

WATCHING THE VISA AMERICAN CUP gymnastics competition on NBC right now. It's apparently a run-up to the Olympics, lots of burly young ladies.