ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY (LAST WEEK) reports that Sarah Michelle Gellar covets the role of Wonder Woman in the perpetually upcoming movie. Before that it was Sandra Bullock. I think it might be much more practical for Kristianna Loken to play the part. There are three reasons for this:

Loken actually has boobs.

She is nearly six feet tall.

After playing the Terminator in this new movie, it will be evident to everyone that she can kick some ass.
But the odds are that some casting director will find some scrawny, flat-chested runt to play the part. I mean, can you imagine Wonder Woman's bustier flopping around on bony Sarah Michelle Gellar? It would be embarrassing.

READER DELMO ASKS:

I don't get the "funny search of the day"...is that something you do, where your blog shows up, or do others do these searches and let you know when your site pops up?

An excellent question! As part of the hypertext transfer protocol (HTTP), when a client browser is referred to a given Web domain from another Web domain, the receiving domain is notified of the uniform resource locator (URL) address of the referrer. What this means in practical terms is that when somebody gets to Lingster's Big Mouth as the result of a Web search, a log entry is made of the referring URL. The URL at a search engine usually includes the search terms, so I can see what the searcher was looking for. Let's say someone got to Lingster's Big Mouth by searching at AOL for "incredibly muscular females". The URL for that search would look like this:

http://aolsearch.aol.com/aol/search?invocationType=topsearchbox.%2Faol%2Fjsp%2Fsearch.jsp&
query=incredibly+muscular+females

When I read through my logs, I look at these URLs. If the terms are amusing, I post them as the Funny Search of the Day. Got it?

I WANDERED DOWN TO THE GAY PRIDE PARADE TODAY. This event has grown almost beyond control and seems to be turning into New York's equivalent of Mardi Gras. But there was femuscle on display. I saw one towering woman, a block north of Christopher St. on Hudson, who makes Robin Coleman look like a 90 pound weakling. The place was such a zoo--too many people acting too crazy--that I couldn't even appreciate it.

THEY CHANGED STARBUCK...INTO A GIRL? Say it ain't so! I'm glad the SciFi Channel is bringing back Battlestar Galactica, but in the old series he was a skirt-chaser, not a wearer.

I KINDA LIKE THIS GIRL, KRISTI PUGH. I found her in the HerBiceps profile section. Channeling Dr. Freud, I would say this girl is seriously turned on by the idea of being stronger than the men in her life. Quotes:

• "Why can't a girl be stronger than a guy?  I don't have a problem with that!  Bring it on!!   You might be able to outflex me, but don't try to out muscle me.  I'm stronger than I look! :)"
  
• "I've enjoyed seeing how my body has changed and the healthy lifestyle that is required to see the results I want has improved my eating habits. I've become stronger and I enjoy wearing clothes that are attractive to an athletic physique. It's also funny sometimes when I see guys watching me morkout in the gym and they try to lift as much as I do and they can't. That always makes me laugh."
• "...Some guys ...watched me doing lunges one time. I kept putting some plates on the bar and doing my 3 sets of 15 for each leg. After I finished I moved to another station and I noticed them going to the Smith machine. They tried the same weight I was using and could not do it. I just laughed!"

ON STAR TREK, alien species are usually identifiable because they have bizarre forehead ridges, strange ears, weird hair patters or odd freckly patterns. Sometimes their chins are oddly shaped. But their eyes and nostrils are always the same as Earth people, which is a little odd because the lower part of the nose and the eyes are the most distinctive features from person to person. OK, so somebody's got a forehead ridge--when was the last time you noticed somebody's forehead? Have you ever said, "That guy has a forehead just like Bill's?" Of course not. Have you ever noticed that someone had an odd-shaped nose, or a nose with a shape like someone else's? Probably.

It annoys me that they stick a little plastic on somebody's face or ear, and we're supposed to say, "Oh, an alien!"

I AM FEELING VERY ADVENTUROUS ON KEYWORD PLACEMENT. So let's see if we can generate any false positives for people searching for "hairy obese old lady porn". This might take awhile to bear fruit, so I'll need you all to be patient:

Hairy fat old ladies
Decrepit woman porn
Hirsute octagenarian porn
Smelly old ladies having sex
Elderly and hairy
Wrinkled and fat

Well, that ought to be worth a laugh.

NEW COMIC COVER FOR AVENGERS, number beats me, shows She-Hulk flexing quite impressively. This comic has been unreadable for years, but the cover is pretty good.

IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME that as a result of today's "Funny Search of the Day", Lingster's Big Mouth has increased its likely score in searches that include those terms. To make up for this, I am forced to make the following keyword loading adjustment. Please stand by.

Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella Stripperella

Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak Erika Eleniak

Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl Brandy Dahl

OK, that ought to do it. Consider this a forceful redeclaration of dedication to heterosexual adoration of busty, strong women. I'm 100% behind Justice Scalia on this one.

JAPANESE MUSCLE GIRL VIDEOS! I'll let the distributor speak for himself:

Let me introduce myself. My name is Ishikwa of EN corporation, the video maker that have produced the Japanese muscle girls video first in Japan. There had been not the videos featuring Japanese muscle girls while there were many kinds of muscle video in the world. So we decided to produce the first Japanese muscle video to introduce beautiful Japanese muscler girls in the world. And I heard that there were no Japanese muscle actress playing in the foreign videos. We started to sell our videos internationally thuru the FUJIYAMA CENTRE online shopping place by samurai-store.

And further:

SAYO, 25 years old, is the Japanese woman with extremely beautiful firm muscles developed from daily trainings and her 8 years dance experience. Her well-balanced muscles, lithe ridge, web reinforcement and strained calves are must-see.

The main problem, of course, is that neither of the women featured in the videos appears to weigh more than 90 pounds. If he puts out a video of Tomoko Kanda, then I'll think about it.

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Anime muscle girls -sex -porn -men -man -car -gay". Now THIS is an interesting search. Note proper boolean syntax used to exclude returns featuring the words sex, porn, men, man, car and gay. My only question: car? Sex, porn, men, man, gay and...car. Car.

HERE'S THE ORIGINAL R & D from June 1998, wherein Al frets about people getting bra sizes wrong:

Warning — Code Violation

From now on, it's official: there will be a penalty for not getting bra sizes right.  It's gone on long enough.  Any story displaying an apparent ignorance or disregard of how bra sizing systems work will get docked one ! mark.

I JUST A TV SPOT FOR "SOFT & DRI" DEODORANT on USA. There's a flexing cowgirl in the ad--I've got my vid cap equipment set up so I can get it if it comes around again.

READER GBM WRITES:

Limit the size of a woman's biceps to 25 inches? Where's the fun in that?

(P.S. I enjoy your blog. Keep up the good work!)

(P.P.S. I think I remember some of your stories where biceps exceeded 25 inches!)

HA! I've never been one to do much in the way of specifying measurements. Height, weight, bra size, yes, but not upper arm dimensions. Will's Power ends with a joke about Al from Research & Development being fixated on proportionate and accurate bra-size measurement:

[Will's] talent had already provided [him] with various indices of Suzi's spectacular curves, far more complicated and detailed than those that could be provided by a tape measure, but he played along. Will moved Suzi's small desk chair over next to her. She posed for him as requested.

"Neck," he pronounced, "19 inches."

"Bicep, uh, wow. 24 inches."

"Chest, beneath the breasts, uh, 46 inches. Bust is, umm, we have a problem. The measure's too short by an inch or two. Let's call it 62 inches," Will said.

"What size bra is that?" Suzi asked, scrunching up her face.

"I'm not sure....48...uh....maybe 'L'," Will said, "I'm not sure, but I don't want to lose an exclamation point."

"48L! Where will I get one of those?" Suzi sputtered.

"I read about a store in England that sells them, I think, but never mind that -- we'd never be able to manage the hooks. Let's keep going!" Will pressed.

"Waist, 27."

"Hips, ummmm, 42."

"I'm a little top-heavy, I think." Suzi said.

"I'm sure nobody will notice," Will said, smiling, "Can we fuck again?"

Al had made a big deal about penalizing story writers in his story ratings. Something about costing them an "exclamation point" if they mis-calculated bra sizing. So I made a big deal at the end of that story about measurements, teasing Al so he'd give me five exclamation points, which I think he did. And of course I exaggerated measurements as part of the gag.

I WASN'T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING about the expiration of that old reprobate, Strom Thurmond, and I don't have to. Mark Steyn did, in the London Telegraph.

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Jewel Kilcher biceps" at Google. Even after losing weight due to a relatively severe case of "actor-exia", Jewel's still got a decent rack, but I doubt she's got much in the way of upper body muscularity.

OK, SO LET'S TRY TO GET CAUGHT UP with interesting things people have sent me over the last few days or weeks:

Delmo writes in with this story from the NY Post, about men preferring more physically robust and powerful women during bad times. From the article:

Researchers studied the faces and figures of Playmates of the Year from 1960 to 2000 and found that guys like larger, stronger-looking women in hard times, and softer, girl-next-door types during bull markets.

So the question is, do glass-half-empty guys (such as moi) have a natural predisposition to brawny girls?

Chaney sends the following missive:

Links to two pictures of Catherine Zeta-Jones-Doughlas from that Milan fashion show. Unfortunately, Michael is in both pictures, and Donatella Versace is in one as well:
http://dk.news.yahoo.com/030622/33/2w4vk.html
http://dk.news.yahoo.com/030622/33/2w4vo.html
And, while I have your attention, a web-page devoted to the pregnant CZJD:
http://alag3.mfa.kfki.hu/dcsabas/movie/c_z_j/pregnant/
Keep up the good work

God, she looks terrific in those photos, doesn't she? Here's another, wherein she looks big and busty enough to crush in her athlethic embrace the puny, fleshless Michelle Pfeiffer.

Finally, we have an email from reader Eric:

Hi Lingster, long time blog reader here
check out the character design for the new cast member "Io" upcoming in the WW comic:
http://www.newsarama.com/DC/IodesignA.jpg
http://www.newsarama.com/WW_Sketchbook.htm

Not bad.

[Incidentally, when I tried to post this message the first time, Blogger redirected me to a login page. It seems my session id didn't last long enough to write this post. Normally, and as has happened to me dozens of times in the last two months, this post would then have been irretrievably lost. However, I have taken to copying posts to Mac "Stickies" before submitting them, to avoid just this problem.]

I AM SO SICK OF BLOGGER. It's down half the time, posts get lost or show up 12 times as they implement new versions, and because they keep changing the interface, every day is a new experience. Plus they can't get the goddamned time right--Whenever you want to edit a post time, you inevitably must engage in arcane calculations, adding or subtracting 12 hours to get the right time.

I hardly ever even attempt long posts anymore, because they so often get lost.

Rrrraaaagh!

BLOGGER WAS DOWN FOR MUCH OF YESTERDAY AFTERNOON AND EVENING. This is a test post.

A WORD OF ADVICE TO ASPRING FETISH AUTHORS: Giving the height, weight and bra size of your protagonist in the first sentence is a bad thing. Don't do it. I came across the 473rd example of this that I've seen, and something inside me cracked. Other bits of advice:

Paragraphs. Learn what they are and use them.
Sentences. Ditto.
Try to differentiate between the narrator's text, and dialog text.
This is a quote mark: " There should be one of these on each side of dialog.
These are elipsis marks: ... Their uses in fiction are limited.
D-cup breasts are really pretty big; much larger can be excessive.
Ditto upper arms. A woman with 25" arms would have scarcely any range of motion.
Try to keep a sense of proportion.

KEEN EDDIE: Gotta admit, I love this new show on FOX. I probably should have told you fellas about it ahead of time (it's on Tuesdays at 9), but if you're east of the Mississip and reading this before 10 EST, turn it on. I'll "future post" a reminder for next week now (if that doesn't make sense, never mind.)

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "'Muscle Goddess' teen" on Dogpile.

BE STILL MY HEART! The photo of Catherine Zeta-Jones in this article was chosen because it's unflattering--I'm interesting in seeing more flattering photos from the same event. We need to enjoy this bustline while it lasts.

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Erika Eleniak biceps" on Google. I haven't really written enough about Miss Eleniak lately.

HEY DELMO, your email's bouncing. Fortunately, I have another method for contacting you.

HAS ANYBODY COMMUNICATED WITH ZAAWA LATELY? Marknew noticed that his contributions to Yahoo! groups have tapered off.

DID YOU EVER BUY THE CHICKEN TERIYAKI FROZEN DINNER, among others, and then a week or so later you open up the freezer and its the last one left? And you wonder, "Shit, why'd I buy the fucking teriyaki?" I mean, it doesn't have to be teriyaki, it could be the creamed corn, or one of those frozen fish filets, but you get the point. Sigh.

SOMEBODY DECIDED TO PUT POPEYE OUT ON DVD? It was one of the worst movies ever. I guess it's testament to its awfulness that it took so long, but then why is Atlantic City coming out on DVD at the same time?

"You should have seen the Atlantic Ocean in those days."

I POSTED A NEW NEKKID IMAGE TO WRECK SHOP'S FORUMS. My thought is to make this the "after" model for the story I'm planning to publish on paper. Let me know what you think.

SOMETIMES IT'S A LITTLE FRUSTRATING, having a successful blog that I can't tell anybody about. Everybody in New York is "blog, blog, blog", and I've been at it for eighteen months, plugging away, getting loads more traffic than most of the popular kids, but nobody knows.

I think, "O, the anguish of a double life! The crushing ennui of forbidden lust, of socially unacceptable fantasies for getting your rocks off!", but then remember the work of pioneers like Orrin J. Heller. Things could be worse.

AMY SOHN WRITES ABOUT HOT PREGNANT WOMEN in this week's New York Magazine. She also delves into fetishes, as is her wont, interviewing a pregnancy and lactation fetishist, and his pregnant wife, about his desires. Money quote:

“I’m pretty much nursing two people,” Elizabeth says. “He finds it amazing—he loves the taste, and he finds it very sexy, just squirting it out and letting it run down his face and chest. Of course, it makes me feel very unsexy, because he’s treating me like a cow. But part of my pleasure is in knowing that I’m turning him on.”

I've often wondered about Amy, since her name sounds a bit like "Amazon". When she had that TV show on Oxygen or WE or Lifetime, called "Avenue Amy", I considered parodying it with a comic strip called "Avenue Amazon" (about a woman who grew to bulging muscularity and turned green due to relationship problems), but never got around to it. Here's her site. And no, that's not a morphed photo--she really is that busty. I wonder how strong she is?

FINALLY, some goddamned SUN! I'm seeing colors I had forgotten. It's been weeks!

MY PREDICTION FROM LAST JULY REGARDING THE PLOT OF THE HULK. I didn't really get anything right. I wonder what happened to Brooke Langton? I think she showed up on the early credit lists.

THE DELECTABLE MISS HAMIL HAS LAUNCHED HER OWN SITE. Let's show the lady some traffic, boys.

[UPDATE: Yikes! Lotsa creepy posts in her guestbook!]

THE ONE EMPLOYEE OF THE US POSTAL SERVICE who actually gets things done AHEAD of time, just got fired.

HA! POETIC JUSTICE! A reality TV crew working with an illegal bounty-hunting operation in Mexico have been arrested. How do you like THAT reality? Live by the gritty underside, die by the gritty underside.

LET ME BE CLEAR: ALT.UNIV IS A TERRIFIC STORY! Marknew contacted me yesterday, wondering if my prior comment, "I can't put it down" was a polite way of not offering my opinion. Not so! My response was that it's not my fault if he wrote a novel-length transformation, and that it just took me a awhile to get through it. I think it's really good, and you should all read it.

WENT TO SEE THE HULK TONIGHT. Very good. The transformation scenes gave me some ideas about the feasibility of 3D clothes-tearing. I always thought the key was to show the stretching and tearing in great detail, and in my opinion the technology available to me rendered (pun alert) that impossible. In The Hulk, the clothing fairly bursts off of him--just two or three frames for each article of clothing. I think that might be doable.

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Bustline Impressive". Sounds kinda like "Mission: Impossible".

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Queen Latifah - big boobs".

TV ALERT: Kelly Preston to be on Hannity and Colmes tonight, on the Fox Newschannel.

THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF POSTS ABOUT LAURA on the TV board at DtV.

THE SECOND CHAPTER OF MARKNEW'S EPIC ALT.UNIV has been posted to DtV. I can't put it down! (Here's the first part if you missed it.)

AND HERE'S AN ARTICLE FROM THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE about For Love or Money and its loser star, Rob Campos. Apparently he was degrading and humiliating some of the women in the second show, so it's not a surprise he sent our stand-up girl to the showers. I just hope they show it in re-runs so I can see the first and second episode, and not just Laura's swan song in episode three.

THE ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION ran a story about Laura and For Love or Money a few weeks ago; turns out her full name's Laura Hamil and she's a personal trainer in Atlanta. (Her photo is mislabeled on the Web site.) While her personality doesn't seem consistent with other personal trainers I've met, she certainly has the body for it.

I HAVE TO ADMIT, I am completely smitten with Laura from "For Love or Money". I'm heartbroken that she's been kicked off the show by the feeble excuse for a bachelor that the women are pursuing. As a result, I've done something rather extreme--I set up a Yahoo Group, uploaded twenty screen caps and a video montage that took me two hours to put together. All this on a "school night", too. Guh. You can join the Yahoo! Group, "Laura Hamil" by clicking on the link.

I'VE BEEN ALL OVER THE HULK FAN SITES, and it looks like there's not going to be a She-hulk. However, if the movie's a success ("if"-LOL), we can expect numerous sequels, and a She-hulk is inevitable. Wouldn't it be cool if Jennifer Connelly's character became the She-hulk? Maybe she'd get her big boobs back.

HAPPY BLOOM'S DAY.

OK, THIS "WHEN CAMERAS CROSS THE LINE" SHOW is not episodic--it's just one documentary. It's fairly old--at least three or four years, and it's got at least three different scenes featuring Miss Lonstein. All three seem to date from when she dated Jerry Seinfeld, and in all three she looks extremely busty--much moreso than she seems in more recent years.

VH-1 is playing it all week.

THE MOVIE SCRIPT FOR LAST OF THE AMAZONS is apparently still before "The Committee", as there has been no update since January to the book's author's blog regarding the movie version.

Has anybody read this book? I have not.

I WAS GOING THROUGH THE JANUARY 2002 ARCHIVES and found a link to Eliot Cayne's BE Laws of Physics. It's funny enough to justify a reprint.

FUNNY THREAD AT THE BEARCHIVE. Apparently there's a show on VH-1 called "When Cameras Cross the Line"--basically, by taking a judgemental position on candid videos, they have an excuse to air them. I haven't seen it, but apparently the episode in question features Shoshana Lonstein, or a very busty woman who looks like her. Thence follows a conversation about how busty she really is.

I saw her in a bar a few years ago. Pretty, busty, but not really a standout. Actually, I dated somebody who dated somebody who dated somebody who dated somebody who dated her. (See? Even New York is a small town in some ways.)

FISTMAN POSTED SOME NEW PHOTOS TODAY of a woman called "Heide". They're only available on the HerBiceps pay site, not the free site. I just think she's cute as a button--maybe mid/late twenties, generally slender but with pretty big arms. She's really pretty and has maybe a 17-20% bodyfat, so she doesn't look all dried out.

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Gigantic women with gigantic boobs" on MSN.

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Star Wars muscle growth stories". LOL.

Suddenly Vader's lightsaber felt lighter in Leia's hand. The force was strong in her, Yoda had said, but now she felt strength of an entirely different kind. Looking down at her arms, she saw the fabric tightening against her swelling muscles. "What could be causing this?", she wondered, before remembering what she'd accidentally eaten for breakfast that morning on the Millenium Falcon. "Oh. It must have been the Wookie Chow."

FOURTEEN CONGRESSMEN WEIGH MORE THAN 3000 POUNDS? That works out to a mean weight of 214 pounds, and gives new meaning to the phrase "fat cats".

AM I THE ONLY PERSON ANNOYED BY THIS "HOMICIDE BOMBER" PHRASE? I mean, no duh. It's a redundancy, since a terrorist bombing is by definition homicidal in intent. The reason we call them "suicide bombings" committed by "suicide bombers" is because such events are made noteworthy by the willingness of the perpetrator to sacrifice his own life.

Just let's call a spade a spade, OK?

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "salma hayek biceps size".

FINALLY, a sensible defense of Martha Stewart. Sometimes I think William Safire is senile, but other times he really knocks it out of the park.

MARC2410 POSTED A LINK TO AN ARTICLE FEATURING A SWEDE NAMED SOPHIE JANULF, whom I now recognize to be my future wife. In this article, the future Mrs. Lingster demonstrates all sorts of resistance exercises that require her to stick out her over-developed chest. My favorites: 1, 2. I'll let y'all know the wedding date.

SOME PISS-ANT on Fistman's HerBiceps message board is giving me lip. Take a look at this punk's nasty shit (free login required). Somebody wants to disagree with me? Hey, have a party. But I'll be damned if I'm going to listen to some guy who likes femuscle himself presume to tell me that the WAY I like femuscle is perverse or cliche. To hell with that.

HEY! That Christine Lydon post from last night is pretty good! "Sapient squatter"--HA! I should write drunk all the time!

I SHOULD REALLY GO TO BED.

ALRIGHT, SO THE BODYBUILDERS WASHED OUT LAST NIGHT, turning out to be the dumbest people in America (akin to being the most arrogant person in France or the least-dentally-hygenic person in Ireland). However, I want to draw attention to some of the brainy, brawny lasses that make me go all goose-pimply. One such sapient squatter is the incomparable Christine Lydon. I love it when she poses in that white lab coat for fat-loss pill ads. Some might remember that she tore her way out of a set of business clothes in the Playboy Hardbodies video--ripping off her glasses and letting down her hair as she went along (Paging Dr. Pollack, paging Dr. Pollack!), bulging muscles shredding the sensible office attire. She's lost some weight, but I'd love to see those big arms of yesteryear tearing through the sleeves of her TV ad lab coat.

Apparently Dr. Lydon has published a book on women's fitness called "Look Hot, Live Long". It's rare to find so much meaning crammed into four plain-spoken little words. Maybe I could write a companion book for men, re-prioritized to male interests? We could call it "Get Big, Get Laid".

BRANDI CHASTAIN ON KILBOURNE RIGHT NOW.

JIMMY KIMMEL'S OFF and Caroline Rhea is on. I must turn the TV channel before my penis falls off.

I'M WATCHING JIMMY KIMMEL on ABC right now, and he's got Double Duty Radcliffe on. Tyra Banks is also on, and Double Duty has hit on her three or four times already. Anyway, I went searching for links about this incredible guy, and found this. Apparently he coined a phrase for a certain sexual act--he calls it a "paintjob". It's hilarious.

NO DUH: Here's another one of those ludicrous research projects that some group of eggheads got a grant for, even though the finding is something everybody on the planet already knew. In this case, surprise surprise, it turns out that smoking pot makes it harder for people to complete tasks that require focus! Here it is:

Cannabis makes rats lose track of time, a new study shows. It robs rodents of the ability to discriminate between short and long periods.

The discovery lends support to the suggestion that human cannabis users may be less adept at tasks that require sustained concentration.

Your tax dollars at work. University of Georgia. Ridiculous.

UGH. I am having a lot of trouble with Blogger lately. Lost posts, service outages, blah blah blah. Annoying.

SO I MISSED THIS: On FOX right now is a show called "Test the Nation"; they're giving a two-hour IQ test to specific populations. Right now the group that's losing is the bodybuilders (male and female). Scientists seem to be doing pretty well.

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "cowgirl with biceps" on Google. Reminds me of that goof I did on Wreck Shop's board last year, "The Amazon Ranger" or something like that. I made what looked like an old color photograph of an incredibly muscular woman in a cowboy outfit, and then identified her as the actress who played a female Lone Ranger ripoff in a 1960 ABC pilot. I wrote a whole backstory of how she was cast based on what she'd looked like several years earlier, before she became a Muscle Beach regular. It's no longer available at Wreck Shop's, which is a shame because I didn't archive the text portion.

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Callista Flockhart tall"

[Update: "over muscle fake female gallery" on French Google. And "girls biceps big"]

A NICE RENDER.

LEEE IS SHUTTING DOWN ALTAWOMAN. Not good. Not good at all.

READER R M WRITES TO NOTIFY US of an online comic called Wapsis Square, which features a 6'4" muscular amazon named Lakshmi. The story arc that introduced her begins here. And then after a year or so, another one starts here.

Here's her profile.

There was also a story arc about a calendar photo shoot of a bunch of female firefighters, that is interspersed with the second appearance of Lakshmi.

I ADDED A NEW ITEM TO MY SHOP: A large, 15 oz. mug featuring a female bodybuilder from 100 years ago. There's also some amusing text she and her husband wrote, a sort of utopian view on the millenium (aka NOW) in which everyone would be a bodybuilder, and crime and poverty would be banished. Still waiting.

[Update: I added a small poster, too.]

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Stories growing bustline bigger boobs" on Yahoo! Also "she hulk tits" on Google.

MY SEARCH FOR THERONIA yielded this article on Hollywood women being underweight. The article quotes a slew of men expressing their dislike for overly thin women, but seems unable to determine where the impetus for scrawniness comes from. This site places the blame on gay male fashion designers--and I think that's probably correct.

I HEARD SOMETHING ABOUT CHARLIZE THERON the other day--that she refuses to lose weight to satisfy directors and publicists. If true, brava! I've seen her height and weight reported variously between 5'9" and 5'11", 118 pounds (no way!) and 135 pounds (count me skeptical). Can any readers verify any of this?

I FINISHED ALT.UNIV, PART 1! It amounts to 50 typed pages and 24,000 words--that's almost half a novel. And it's good! Marknew avoided the usual pitfall and managed to include real growth in his set-up segment. I'm sure we'll see exciting events unfold in the coming chapters.

MARTIN SCORCESE'S BAD CASTING: Gangs of New York was noteworthy for its poor casting and set design. While Daniel Day Lewis was excellently cast, the other two leading roles were not. To paraphrase a Saturday Night Live skit, the movie was "a tale of the Irish experience in New York, told by two Italians and a Mexican." To my eye everything from the color palette to the wardrobe to the dialog of the movie said "Italian"---not "Irish" and not "19th Century New York".

So now he's doing a movie about Howard Hughes. And supposedly he's casting Kate Beckinsale as Ava Gardner. He might as well cast Elijah Wood as Johnny Weissmuller. Ava Gardner was a statuesque brunette of mixed-race background and dizzying sexual charisma--think Sherilyn Fenn ten years ago. Kate Beckinsale is very cute, but she's not exactly pin-up material, y'know?

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Supergirl and Wonder Woman gassed" on Yahoo!

FROM B & F SPORTS GYM IN OSAKA comes this photo of a man who is perhaps a bit sheepish about his relative lack of muscular development.

DANIEL, WHO RUNS THE SHE-HULK YAHOO! GROUP, writes:

to all the group members,
I am making message out all the people that are posting spam on yahoo group sites. please DO NOT post spam on my group please or i will ban from here whole hardly. because it is off topic of what the main objective of the group and it gives it a bad name. please don't tarnsh this group with spam please.

Daniel

My copy of Strunk & White lies bleeding on the floor.

HERE'S PART ONE OF ALT.UNIV, by Marknew.

FUNNY SEARCH OF THE DAY: "Overloaded bra" and "I love you Phillip Morris" at MSN.

MARKNEW SAYS he's sent the first part of his story Alt.Univ to DtV. It should be interesting--he's been writing this thing for what seems to me like a year.

KATHERINE HEIGL'S new made-for-TV movie is on TBS Superstation tonight, called Evil Never Dies. Miss Heigl is easy to like--she's gorgeous and has a very busty figure by Hollywood's standards. But the thing I really like about her is something she said in a Maxim interview several years ago:

Maxim: Don't you think natural is good?
Katherine: Most guys think whether they're real or fake doesn't really matter, as long as they're big. When I was 13, I was flat as a board and totally unhappy about it. I would write in my diary every day , Oh, if I could just have a B cup by summer! I actually prayed for big boobs. So I developed at about 14, and then I was 15, 16, 17, and they kept going.
Maxim: Now that you mention it....
Katherine: Yeah, obviously prayer works.

CUTE MUSCLE GOTH GIRL from ol' standby Miyu.

HEY! LOOK AT WHAT DAVID C. MATTHEWS HAS BEEN WORKING ON! Dyna, the Damsel Dynamo! I like this new style he's been working in. You see it in the final Dyna frame--strong, heavy external line, stylized interior with less line, more reliance on computer-aided coloring and shading rather than cross-hatching. His new Tetsuko story has a similar look.

NEW FEATURE: "Funny Search of the Day". See, every day people find Lingster's Big Mouth while trying to satisfy their baser urges. We encourage this. However, the searches that bring them here are, on occasion, amusing. For instance, today's search: "wonder woman hips gallery" on Japanese Google. The runner up is "stories with female dominated societies" on MSN.

YA GOTTA LOVE the "National Costume" picked by Miss USA for the Miss Universe. Most of the girls were wearing some ludicrous folk ensemble, but not our girl! Woo-hoo! [Insert Neal Pollack joke here.]

A NICE SERENA SHOT.

MY KIND OF GUY. Doubtless he was trying to trick one of the waitresses into nursing his kid.

NOT DEAD. Will have some posts tomorrow night. Sorry about unannounced absence--had to make unexpected trip off the grid.